Your Exam Results Are Not Tied To Your Self Worth

A blog from 16th August 2018

As it’s A level results day, I wanted to share a few things with you that might help you to help someone who’s not doing cartwheels over their results.
If you have students, your own children or anyone who’s had exam results today and things didn’t go to plan, my message is to help them accept the reality of where they are at, not beat themselves up about it and to be brave and take the next step.

Feel the feelings
However angry, frustrated, disappointed they may be feeling, let them feel it. I know we want to encourage them and help them to feel better, but allowing them to feel the hurt is a really important part of them learning what failure actually feels like. It’s part of being human and something we will all feel at some point, so don’t deny them this important learning – it’s a gift! If they need to have a cry, lie low for the day, eat lots of chocolate, game, just be angry and moody, let them. It won’t last forever.

Remind them their results are not tied to their self worth
This is tricky. They may be thinking that because they didn’t make the grade that they are stupid, lazy, not academic, not clever enough, not a good student/son/daughter, basically not good enough as a person. We can all fall into this trap of thinking our achievements and successes are linked to our self worth – so ‘I’m not as worthy as Sarah who passed her exams’. Remind them that they are still the same person as they were yesterday, that you still respect, like and care for them no more or less because of their results. Who they are as a person never changes.

Don’t jump in with a plan
Everyone will be thinking ‘what now?’ It’s a good, positive question, and there may be practical things they want to do like go through clearing. However, this is a chance to pause and reevaluate. Sometimes when our plans get changed, opportunities come up that we couldn’t have imagined. If you can, allow a bit of time for the dust to settle, maybe they want to chat with people in a similar situation, maybe if they’re feeling brave they might reach out online and share where they’re at and ask for help. Even if they miss the boat this year, they are still only 18!!!!!! Often they feel like everything is now of never, but it really isn’t. Sometimes doing nothing for now is the best option….

I know some of this may go against the grain, but we have to put our trust in them to figure it out, otherwise how can they trust in themselves?

And if you have someone who is jumping for joy – celebrate with them! (and also remind them that their success is not tied to their self worth either – still the same person as yesterday!).

Please share this with anyone you think could do with a pick me up today, and I hope this has helped you too.